See-through blindness...

Felt the anguish;as being consumed by fire
like steel melting into drops of pure liquid.
Being perforated and dissolved -
Vanishing into thin air, forever unnoticed.

Sensed the longing; as being emptied then filled
then emptied again. Like lying in green grass of
earthly meadows, then being dragged in cobbled stones
Where flesh and bones are scraped by bitter sorrow.

Moved by passion;like a horse running wild and free
in a vast terrain. And a lily sprouting out from
the depths of the river. Like a salmon swimming
upstream to issue life,returning to the salty waters to die.


-neiloy-

The Weakness In Me

This song is one of my favorite songs from the old Dawson's Creek episodes, wherein the series was still fresh and they released their 2nd OST cd...


I'm not the sort of person
Who falls
In and quickly out of love
But to you I gave my affection
Right from the start

I have a lover
Who loves me
How could I break such a heart
Yet still you get my attention

Why do you come here
When you know I've got trouble enough
Why do you call me
When you know I can't answer the phone

Make me lie
When I don't want to
And make someone else
Some kind of an unknowing fool
You make me stay
When I should not
Are you so strong
Or is all the weakness in me

Why do you come here
And pretend to be just passing by
When I mean to see you
And I mean to hold you
Tightly

Feeling guilty
Worried
Waking from tormented sleep
This old love has me bound
But the new love cuts deep

If I choose now
I'll lose out
One of you has to fall
And I need you
And you


-------------
This song just reminded me of the
good old days during college...
Hmmm but dili man ko karelate ani
karon... I don't know but it still
send shivers down my spine everytime
I hear this!

Childhood Blessings

This poem was written during my overworked hours in the office. Sometimes wishing that I could just go back to my childhood days. To the times when things are way simpler and genuinely uncomplicated

I miss the old days
Those days when we just sit under that big acacia tree
Thinking of how to make the best flying kite.
And deeming a complete afternoon
With an ice-cold sago drink from across the street


I miss the old days
Just like the first time we saw leaves falling from my window
Counting them one by one as they fall off to the ground.
Not thinking on how much we would be spending this month.
Nor be bothered with chattels and charges of life.


I miss the old days
When I find myself lying next to you in the rooftop
Gazing at the vast star-lit sky, watching them take form
And the moment that your eyes widened softly
When a shooting star hurtled over our heads.


I miss the old days
When we swim to our hearts content on occasional river trips.
Carelessly jumping across the riverbed and racing with my dog, Smoke.
Special afternoons, sitting in the front porch watching the clouds,
And the comfort of silence, reckoned it to be the best times of my life.

-neiloy-

I like you calm, as if you were absent

XV From:’ Veinte poemas de amor’
by Pablo Neruda

I like you calm, as if you were absent,
and you hear me far-off, and my voice does not touch you.
It seems that your eyelids have taken to flying:
it seems that a kiss has sealed up your mouth.

Since all these things are filled with my spirit,
you come from things, filled with my spirit.
You appear as my soul, as the butterfly’s dreaming,
and you appear as Sadness’s word.

I like you calm, as if you were distant,
you are a moaning, a butterfly’s cooing.
You hear me far-off, my voice does not reach you.
Let me be calmed, then, calmed by your silence.

Let me commune, then, commune with your silence,
clear as a light, and pure as a ring.
You are like night, calmed, constellated.
Your silence is star-like, as distant, as true.

I like you calm, as if you were absent:
distant and saddened, as if you were dead.
One word at that moment, a smile, is sufficient.
And I thrill, then, I thrill: that it cannot be so.

Reasonings of an Optimist

It’s never too late
And the lot always is
Walking on its own time,
Even despair or desolation
Ought to have no significance.
For hope never falters
It’s relentlessly there.
Even sitting beside you
Or standing behind you,
And every so often,
It’s right in your face
But you missed its company.
One just needs to ascertain,
How to seize the possibility
That hope has to tender.
Neither can we charge circumstance
Nor reason with fate.
As choice is always certain,
And it’s our verdict to make.

Psalm 42:1

As the hart panteth after the water brooks,
panteth my soul after thee, O God.

We all long for something deep within, something to satisfy the void... We try to look for it in our careers, search for contentment in entertainment, sports, and romantic relationships... but all we could ever reach is momentary contentment. After sometime we long for something more, long for something that we have not yet achieved. We may have all the riches in the world, the best devices that money could buy, and could have traveled the entire world, but in the end, all that we could feel is nothing but an unfathomable thirst for something...

We ask ourselves why? ...

It is because we are not created to only contain these things. Man is a tripartite being consisting of the flesh, the soul, and spirit. The flesh which is the physical part of man is the outward part. The soul consisting of the mind, emotion, and will is a deeper part and affects all our decisions and actions. Lastly, the spirit which is the deepest part of man is designed to contain God.

1 Thessalonians 5:23
And the God of peace Himself sanctify you wholly, and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

We may be able to satisfy our bodies by eating, drinking, and sleeping. We may satisfy our desires through sports, leisure, and attending to our emotions. But only by containing the Lord in our spirit that we will truly be satisfied!

Like a glove designed to contain the hand, we, in our spirit, is designed to contain God.

Just as i am...

Just as i am looking at you right at this very moment, flashes of never ending waves had been signaled back to the depths of my being. I can't help to stare, as you stand there with a radiating aura that transmits something unfathomable.

I was in awe, in a trance-like figure, frozen and unmoving, at the moment you transfixed your gaze on me. I would like to stay at that moment. But i know that it was nothing real, nothing that would ever come true.

I had been dreaming and I know, maybe sometime right at this very moment, I would wake up to the reality that I will not be able to touch you, or stand beside you, no matter how I struggle to keep up with your pace.

It has already been decided. Fate had not allowed it to happen in my favor, for my sake... All I could do now is to accept it, and move on.

That's all that is to it. But wait... can I at least know your name? Or perhaps be able to say hello.

Perhaps not even that could happen. For all that is allowed is some distant gaze...

a love poem...

One does not question why,
Or how, or when...
For love needs no reason
Its existence is love.
Its being is love.
Love exists because one feels.
It needs no answer.
Love waits and sits down in the corner.
It does not shed a tear
And feels no regret for loving.
Love is never selfish.
For it wills to give.
But when love leaves,
Wounds are etched.
Scars are made.
And hearts are broken.

--neiloy--

To the Stars

Originally titled as Ode to the Stars

Tonight,the stars are crying.
Oh stars, why do you weep?
Does your weeping bury your sorrow?
Or is every flicker, a tear of your joy?
Why do you keep your distance?
Why haunt me
With such recluse.

Touch seems meaningless to you.
Yet the horizon awaits your caress.
Why don't you lie still on its bed?
Are you afraid?
That the sea would drown your light.
Or are you just too proud
To step down from your pedestal.

Oh beloved stars, grace me with your comfort.
Be a legion to the moon in silent solitude.
Your light is of bitter sweet amber,
Nearly fading out but constantly burns.
But tonight, beloved, you are all crying.
Are you weeping for my sake?
Or wailing for Aurora's nearness.

--neiloy--